It's not even 11 am and I'm dissolved in a puddle of tears

Well, maybe I started off being a bit too ambitious, set the goals for the first morning without Ben being around just a bit too high. My goals were:

1. no chocolate for today
2. get dressed, teeth brushed and looking half way decent by 10am
3. make bread
4. run to the nearby shops and get some veggies and fruits

The day didn't start off too good. Baby decided last night to be a little bit more awake, so that meant I was also a little bit more awake, BUT I managed to be up and about for breakfast at 8am, Ben left for work at 8:40 and things still looked quite positive and bright, all the family, inclusive baby, was fed and happy. By 8:50am Ned had his teeth brushed and throned on his potty, while baby lay happily on the floor making cute baby noises. By 9am I started making the bread dough, had my teeth brushed and both kids were dressed. Then the day went wrong. I told Ned we'd go outside and that little comment must have triggered "Mr. Hyde". He wanted to go in the car right away and the melt down started. He spend some time in his room, and I tried to appease him a couple times without obstructing my principles , no success, so, more room time where he almost demolished his door. This melt down does not have any justification. It started of with the car, the first reconciliation attempt back fired and instead he wanted something to drink, but refused to say "please" for a while, when he finally said "please" he didn't really want to drink, but wanted his beloved Hermie, how was parked right next to his feet, and so on, la la ta ta. By 9:50am I actually was dressed and looking half way decent myself, baby was a little darling though the whole scene so far, when he decided to start one of his super-pooing-sessions and when I just had him clean and dressed again he had another one. But by 10am I was ready to start another attempt to walk to the shops. Ced was in the sling, Ned calmed down a bit and we got as far as out of the door of out flat when he started again, well, I capitulated, recognizing I was fighting a lost fight, stuck Ned in bed and by 10:10am I was laying in my own bed and dissolving in tears while Ned howled way in his bed, which he is still doing as I write. It breaks my heart to hear him but I can be stubborn too. I refuse to let a two year old rule me and as hard as it is he HAS to learn. I can forget about the shops now, we'll have to survive without fruits, I might be able to finish the bread before Ced wakes up and wants his milk, so in the end I did accomplish some of my goals but I am definitely not as content and happy and balanced as I hoped before. Gone are the thoughts: "I can do it" and hello to: "What did I/we do wrong?????" Ou well, I'm off to make bread to keep me busy, or else I'll cry until my eyes pop out.

P.S. so far I resisted to let chocolate comfort me, but it sounds tempting