The Perfect Parent!!

Lets face it: there is NO such thing as a perfect parent.

And I think that's a very encouraging thought!!! We all fall short, every one of us is a sinner and fall short of perfection, everyone makes mistakes in raising their children, even those thousands of people who wrote, write and will write those smart books about parenting. It is difficult to find a book which really helps you personally, there is so much junk on the market, but I found one which helps ME to be a better parent... at least I think so.

To be honest, with Ned I felt I was at a dead end or better at the bottom of a hole I actually had dug myself. His tantrums and general behaviour mad me plain MAD!!! It made me actually not wanting to spend time with him, not playing with him, looooooonging for nap times or bed times... and it made me feel miserable, that I didn't WANT to spend time, precious time, with the kid I love so much (especially when he's sleeping). The question came to my mind of course: "What am I doing wrong?" and often I got answers like: "You're not doing anything wrong, it is a phase in life you have to go through."

Several months ago, when Ned's tantrums where on their highest, I ordered a couple of books like "Parenting the Strong-willed Child" or "Strong-willed Child or Dreamer??" or "Potty Training Boys" (which doesn't really belong in the same category, but was order the same time nonetheless) as well as a thin book with the title "How to Really Love Your Child". To be honest, they collected dust on the shelf (inclusive the potty training one, although I LONG to have one boy out of his nappies). I was contemplating a lot the last couple weeks to finally tackle one of the strong-willed once, but it was "How to Really Love Your Child" I eventually un-dusted... and was convicted.

I knew I WAS doing something wrong, and I was right I'm convinced. I wasn't showing Ned my love for him in a way that he could understand. He didn't feel loved and tried to get my attention through negative behaviour, I got mad at him, showed him even less love and so down we went. He is a child and he is still allowed to behave childish, but to be honest (again), I was behaving very childish myself, and I'm supposed to be a grown up. When I started to read this book yesterday I made the decision to break this vicious circle. I want to make an effort, step out of my comfort zone and my "madness" and show him love in a way he can understand. I haven't finished the book, so I'm no expert yet (neither will I ever be), but I made the decision to try to follow the first three steps stated in The Book:

1. Eye contact, not only for scolding or negative things but as much eye contact as possible
2. physical contact
3. focused attention

I know I won't turn into the perfect parent from now on, but I made the decision to change and want to make sure that my adorable little boy gets the message that I'm crazy about him... actually about all my three boys. So I made the resolution not to get mad at him whatever the day might bring, no shouting whatsoever (besides a firm NO if he decides to sit on the baby yet again) and LOTS of eye contact as well as physical contact and take some time just for the two of us, no baby, no computer, no phone no nothing, just me and my boy, to show him, that he is special to me.

I don't know what I expected, but the day blew my mind. I don' t know if it was because of my changed attitude and resolutions or because Ned was contemplating about our relationship as well last night (at 2am I heard him crying and went in to him and found him sitting on his big toy box crying, so maybe he was thinking about life and made a resolution himself). It was an excellent day. Our main goal was to go and feed the ducks. But on the way to the ducks we had to do a couple of errants: going to the bank, buying yet another set of gloves for Ned and getting some brezels for lunch. No tantrums, no fits, no nothings, just joy being together. He stood on his kiddy board or walked without complaining, enjoyed feeding the masses of ducks in the park and afterwards when I had to go into a grocery store he didn't want to stand on the kiddy board but there was no trouble whatsoever in the shop. I had so much fun having fun together with him, which I haven't had much of late because his tantrums would take the joy out of things for me. And the day continued like it. Wow. I know it doesn't mean that tomorrow will be the same, but it is a start, it is a good start, and I am very grateful to God to let me see my sin and my mistakes while Ned is still young so that I can be a better mum for him in the future and that there will be as little to regret as possible.

Well, enough deep stuff... I have gone running again today. It was snowing quite heavily. I think I love running in the snow. You don't need a torch because the snow makes everything so light, so silent, so beautiful. And you don't sweat like a pig because it is so cold, but you get quite warm while running and don't mind the cold.

My resolution not to eat chocolate it's also going really well. I haven't had chocolate in more than two weeks and don't have any desire or longings or cravings for chocolate (this is coming form a confessed chocoholic). It makes me feel great not to be dictated by a craving or desire or addiction. I do eat Christmas biscuits but in perfect moderation. I like eating healthy. I hope and pray it'll stay.

I also have been to the dentist. That makes me feel NOT so great though. I have bad teeth, REALLY bad teeth. I need to have an operation at on of the roots of my back teeth some time in January and I need to have my crowns redone. Only thinking about it makes me feel sick, but it has to be done. I am still convinced that I prefer having children than going to the dentist, because at the end of the pain you have a little baby as a reward, whereas with the dentist you only have more pain in your mouth afterwards and a high bill (better don't ask me the question while in the process of delivering, I'm pretty sure my opinion would be quite the opposite)

I'm getting a bit more "adventurous" with my cooking of late and try things I have never made before. I discovered that I'm madly crazy about couscous. Luckily the family likes it too, so they don't mind :o))) in fact Ned complimented me at dinner today: "Fein gemacht!! [Well done!!]" that felt REALLY good!!!