Wow, it works to update our blog!!!!

Well, it is a rather handy excuse, that somehow I wasn't really able to update our blog because every time I tried some sort of an ERROR message came up, but if i am honest, it was only twice that I actually tried to update the blog in the last 2 -3 months... lazy me, bad, bad, BAD girl!!!

Ou well, here I am and lots of things have happened. How to wrap up the last couple months in a couple of sentences?? Well, let me try:
-the Doulos is being decommissioned.... it is in process RIGHT now and the entire ship feels a bit like a Ghost Ship. We are only 120 souls left on board and the numbers are declining. It hasn't been easy and the question often came to mind: "Why in all the world did God lead us to the Doulos for this??" But we were able to help people and answer their questions who are transferring to the Logos Hope, because although the two ships are similar in many ways, they are VERY different in others!!! So in this way we were able to help and maybe be a blessing. But if I'm really, really, really honest, I had a very hard time drowning a bit in self pity, feeling sick, struggling with Doulos food, being disgusted by Cockroaches and making close friends is very difficult because everyone, including myself, is and was busy with closure and spending the remaining time with old friends as much as possible, that there isn't any energy or time to invest in new people.
-well, other big thing which happened is that I'm a preggi once more (and still don't like it) which doesn't really improve my emotional stability and sanity!!!! I am very illogical and act silly in many ways and can't help it. The other day I disolved in tears in the dinning room because the food was so AWFUL!!!!!
-and we decided on our next step for now which really helps a lot. We will leave the Doulos on the 16th of February to go back to Germany. The first two weeks we'll stay at my parents place in Heilbronn and then move to Mosbach beginning of March. I feel very weird because I am so excited about going home and living in Germany for a while. I have NEVER really been homesick EVER before in my life but now I am sooooo homesick, especially for the food, but not only. We plan to be in Germany for around 6 -12 months. Ben will be working with Lloyd, Ned will be spoiled by the grandparents and I will cook, and cook, and cook, and eventually have a baby:o)))) After that time??? Only God knows where, when how and what. I'm very grateful for this time of "rest" but I hope by the time we are (especially I am) ready for more adventures with God somewhere in the world. So once again our earthly belongings are packed up in boxes (some of them hadn't even been unpacked after arriving with the container from the Logos Hope) and ready to be put in a container to Europe. It seems to be a little red line in my life, that most of our stuff ins packed away in some box and we live on the essentials..... I guess it shows me how much we often live in luxury without even knowing it. We don't really need that stuff in those boxes, but life is just so much nicer WITH the stuff. I try not to hang my heart on it and enjoy blessings if they are there.

Well, what else could I write??? Ned is doing really great. He is a strong little guy... and actually also a bit strong willed, hmpf!!!!!! It really isn't the nicest thing in the world to sit in the dinning room with toddler who screams of his lungs that your ear drums almost pop!!! But ou well, he has to learn the meaning of "NO"and we have to learn patience (I hate learning patience... grrrrrr!!) But besides those little screaming attacks we have so much fun with him... today he discovered that raw eggs aren't balls and that they do break and although he doesn't speak much of a language that we understand he always has a lot to say in his own language and slowly he starts to translate some into German or English. Yesterday he said;"Heiss!!"(hot) and today he stated to say "baby"and points on a picture of a baby. Other words are amen, night night, seeya, bye bye and ticktock.

Well, I gotta go, hopefully this works and so I've finally updated our blog and continue to update it...

The Zoo!

On Monday we went to the zoo. And it was AMAZING!!!!!! We went with our friends from Logos Hope Han Teck and Su Ling with their two daughters Katelyn and Anna. And it was AMAZING (but I've said that once before).Well, what was sooooo AMAZING about the zoo?? Well, I guess the usual things you would expect in a zoo, more or less. I loved the polar bear (he does have an air conditioned space, the fellow), because he was catching and eating his fish RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAMERA!!!!

Cheers, mate!!! And I loved the white tigers and the cheetahs an

d the fragile forest which has mouse-deers running around and cheeky monkeys jumping around and beautiful butterflies fluttering around and l

azy sloths hanging around... well, you get the picture. The whole zoo is done up really nicely, not much obvious concrete but everything lush and green and trees and monkeys climbing around on top of you. Ned loved the animals, although some of them came a bit too close for his liking... one cheeky monkey (or whatever it was) tried to steal his raisins, but besides that he really enjoyed all those strange, exotic creatures.

But although I really loved the normal zoo part of the

zoo, what we really enjoyed as well was the..hmm... not so zoo-ish part of the zoo. There is a huge section for kids to play inclusive a awesome water play area with water slights and water guns and everything (not only great for the small kids, but also for the ... not so small ones) and a big playground. That was SO much fun, although I didn't bring my bathers (silly me!!!!), my two boys enjoyed it a lot!! :o))

Eye Openers In Singapore

I realized that my not even 1 1/2 year old toddler is so deprived!!!! I discovered that... here, in Singapore. Well, cruel mummy doesn't give him the chance to develop his golf playing skills because he's not in "TOTS GOLF" (golf for toddler). Neither will he have the skill of Ronaldo or Ronaldino by the time he is 5, because he isn't in "SOCATOTS" (soccer for toddlers), nor will he win Wimbledon in the year 2015 because he hasn't joint "TENNIS FOR TOTS" yet. Besides those different sport activities you can sign in your toddler at many different day care centers (e.g. "SWALLOWS AND AMAZONS".... what a name is THAT????) or Art Boot Camps (their slogan is: "The disciplines approach to creativity"... hmmm) or you can give your child a classical musical education as soon as your baby turns one. Poor, poor deprived little Ned, he has to PLAY with other children and even worse, his own PARENTS. No golf, football, tennis, art or not even a classical musical education, poor child!! But it seems that this is a reality for many children living in this area, which to be honest is rather on the posh side of life (by the way, did you know that the word POSH origins from those looooong voyages between mother England and India??? It stands for "Port side Out, Starboard side Home", those where the nicer cabins during the voyage,... thought you might wanna know :o) ). We see very young babies being dropped off at the day care center just opposite of our hotel. Okay, we neither know the circumstances of the parents nor how long and how often those babies go to day care, but it makes me sad.... hang on, Ned goes to Kindergarten as well, and he is only almost 17 months.... speaking about which, I should go and pick him up now, the one hour is over :o))) more about eye openers later

not only does he sleep in the shower....

... during the day, we just park him in the cupboard.... just kidding!!!!

Little guy grows up!!!

It's a weird moment the first time your kid goes to kindergarten (or fun deck in our case), and doesn't even look back or misses you in any apparent way... the same time I am very grateful that he isn't shy of people but rather loves them and interacts a lot with random strangers on the street, in the tube or anywhere else... but well, now our little fellow goes to kindergarten one hour a day, he's growing up so fast. But to be honest, I treasure that one hour for myself. I love him dearly, but sometimes I just need some none winching, none playing time for myself... how do those amazing mums do it with 3 or 4 or even more kids, does your ability to be stretched increase with every kid??

Teeth are something great, don't you think??? I think so!!! But getting them is pretty horrible... I mean I can't remember anymore when I got my first ones, but listening to my winching little boy it MUST be quite uncomfortable and painful. I don't know if it was teeth, but he also had a temperature for three days with up to 40 degree, poor fellow, but it strengthens the immune system, doesn't it?? But he's fine again, but still whining.

Well, I'll get him back from fun deck now, won't I and give him all the love I can give him, winching or not :o))

Family accommodations....

... we are so blessed. Sometimes I think I'm almost blessed too much, which feels really weird. Us families are in a really nice hotel somewhere in Singapore. Our room looks really nice, is air conditioned and is bigger than our cabin on either Logos Hope or the Doulos. I can choose every day what and where I would like to eat. And every evening Ben is travelling from the ship yard to the Hotel. Besides that Ned can be quite a handful at times, my life is pretty comfortable and easy.... I don't even have to clean up because the Hotel staff is doing that (but actually I do it, because I feel uncomfortable to let other people clean up my mess.... and I have the tendency to be messy...unfortunately). And it makes me feel guilty. What am i doing here??? How can my being here promote the gospel??? How can I be of any use for his kingdom??? I struggle, not with the living conditions (because they are really nice) but because I can't see a result. So often we people from the western world define success in what we do, we get our sense of worth and achievement from things we've done. And I like DOING things, but I'm not. Then there are temptations like free internet access and TV... time wasters. And although I'm sleeping in the best bed I had in a VERY long time, I can't actually sleep. I LONG to go to bed at... like 9pm and just sleep, sleep, sleep. But I can't, without any apparent reason, which is very draining and frustrating, I just can't sleep properly!!!!! I would like to use that time for prayer, but my mind wanders. I'm also reading the book "Cat and dog theology", and am concerned that I'm a cat who tries to be a dog but can't really manage.... Dogs think: "You pet me, You feed me, You shelter me, You love me, You must be God" and Cats think: "you pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, I must be god!" Dogs bring glory to God, cats try to bring glory to themselves. Ou how I hate being a cat, don't want to be a cat, want to be a dog, but can't do it... I guess only by the grace of God can he still use me... somehow, no idea how...

I'm not depressed or anything, don't worry, but all those thoughts are racing through my mind while studying that book...

But I don't wanna end sounding serious and depressed... lets finish with a funny incident, like when Ned managed to poo on the floor while still wearing nappy and pants, or that so many random people come up to me and wanna take a picture, not of ME of course but of offspring. I got asked several times the last week, if they could touch him or take a picture of him.... he must look quite cute :o))))

The bathroom... or bedroom??

creative parents, that's what I call us :o))))