Family accommodations....

... we are so blessed. Sometimes I think I'm almost blessed too much, which feels really weird. Us families are in a really nice hotel somewhere in Singapore. Our room looks really nice, is air conditioned and is bigger than our cabin on either Logos Hope or the Doulos. I can choose every day what and where I would like to eat. And every evening Ben is travelling from the ship yard to the Hotel. Besides that Ned can be quite a handful at times, my life is pretty comfortable and easy.... I don't even have to clean up because the Hotel staff is doing that (but actually I do it, because I feel uncomfortable to let other people clean up my mess.... and I have the tendency to be messy...unfortunately). And it makes me feel guilty. What am i doing here??? How can my being here promote the gospel??? How can I be of any use for his kingdom??? I struggle, not with the living conditions (because they are really nice) but because I can't see a result. So often we people from the western world define success in what we do, we get our sense of worth and achievement from things we've done. And I like DOING things, but I'm not. Then there are temptations like free internet access and TV... time wasters. And although I'm sleeping in the best bed I had in a VERY long time, I can't actually sleep. I LONG to go to bed at... like 9pm and just sleep, sleep, sleep. But I can't, without any apparent reason, which is very draining and frustrating, I just can't sleep properly!!!!! I would like to use that time for prayer, but my mind wanders. I'm also reading the book "Cat and dog theology", and am concerned that I'm a cat who tries to be a dog but can't really manage.... Dogs think: "You pet me, You feed me, You shelter me, You love me, You must be God" and Cats think: "you pet me, you feed me, you shelter me, you love me, I must be god!" Dogs bring glory to God, cats try to bring glory to themselves. Ou how I hate being a cat, don't want to be a cat, want to be a dog, but can't do it... I guess only by the grace of God can he still use me... somehow, no idea how...

I'm not depressed or anything, don't worry, but all those thoughts are racing through my mind while studying that book...

But I don't wanna end sounding serious and depressed... lets finish with a funny incident, like when Ned managed to poo on the floor while still wearing nappy and pants, or that so many random people come up to me and wanna take a picture, not of ME of course but of offspring. I got asked several times the last week, if they could touch him or take a picture of him.... he must look quite cute :o))))