I wanted to write this post since, well, the first day of kindergarten which was on Wednesday, BUT presently our internet connection is almost even worse than the internet on the ship and I wasn't really able to log in...
You might think: "So! What's the big deal with starting kindergarten???" Well, if you are the parent of a child who is in kindy you know what I talking about, right??? Letting your baby go out into the big world all by themselves and being swallowed into the school-system. I mean, you know, if we stayed here in Australia Ned will wear school uniform for the next 14 years or so, which is somehow a bit scary (being German I'm still not used to school uniforms). He did not fancy the uniform though. When we first picked it up and tried it on he wanted to get out of it as fast as possible, which made me a bit, uhm, apprehensive of the first day at kindy. And on Wednesday morning, he didn't really want to put it on again. Luckily his friend Charli is also starting kindy. So I told him that Charli would wear the same and he was mollified. He really likes Charli... she's the standard of womanhood for him (besides myself of course, but I'm beyond perfect) and she's blonde... he likes blonde girls :o).


Once at kindy he couldn't get rid of me quick enough (sigh) and almost didn't wanna come home with me afterwards. When I told him today at bed time, that it is kindy again tomorrow (it's only twice a week), he almost bounced out of bed to put his uniform on (which I laid out on the floor for him)... seems like he enjoys it, eh??
(Goof-ball Ned)

(Do you know the movie "Tangled"??? Doesn't Ned's look here look like that one "look" of the "hero" in Tangled"??? If you know the movie you know what I mean, right???)
I've tried to be a little busy bee the last couple of weeks. I mean, I also read a lot of books to relax, but I also tried to be productive and creative. I added a couple of red highlights around the house... did I mention before, I REALLY like red a LOT!!! And it is so much fun to transform a house into a home... I should take a couple of pictures to show you.. well, I like it at least.
I also had the opportunity to do a little photoshoot with my friends three gorgeous kids (I'm a sucker for big, blue eyes).
It felt really weird to try to take some nice pictures.. well, on purpose, not just snapshots which turn out great but actually going to a bdirge and riverside with the soul purpose to try to take a couple of nice photographs. I still have to learn SO much, BUT it was so much fun, also editing the photos afterwards. It's nice to take pictures of someone different than your own offspring, making the parents happy in doing so, which in return makes me really happy, useful and creative.
I haven't been doing so well myself the last couple of months. I have to confess, I'm struggling with addiction. Someone really smart once said:
"If you are a dry alcoholic it's like putting a tiger in a cage!".
...or something along that line. Don't worry, I can't stand booz... I don't drink alcohol because I really don't like it. For me I have to change that comparison slightly:
"It's like putting a tiger in a cage and taking him for a walk at least 3 times a day!".
I think it is fair to call it "food addiction". I feel aweful about it, I mean, addicts are people who can't get a grip of life, right?? They are just too slack to get things right, they are loosers.
Since arriving in Australia it has been a struggle for me,... what do I say, it was even before coming here, but getting totally out of my normally routines and habits just totally messed me up again. It has been a fight. And too many times I was defeated, laying face-down in the mud way to lazy to get up again, and besides indulging in chocolate while you feel sorry for yourself is quite nice.
Parts of me just wanted to do exactly that, whereas the other parts felt so repulsed about what I was doing. Nothing is safe in one of those "loose-cannon-totally-out-of-control-and-eat-everything-which-crosses-my-way-or-everything-that-is-nice-and-lived-in-our-pantry-that-is-as-a-matter-of-fact". Someone said that the "binge"-tiger is a bit stupid and forgets things easily so you just have to distract him long enough and he forgets that he wanted to eat half of your pantry's content, but my "binge"-tiger is pretty witty and determined. The other day the thought of chocolate entered my thoughts during a sermon at church (horrible, I know) and nothing could stop me thinking only about that chocolate I'd bought when I felt victorious and safe. Once back home and husband safely out of the way there was no way of stopping that tiger that chased me into that pantry and made me devour the entire package. I felt like it really wasn't me who did it, I almost felt possessed and driven and afterwards (and in afterwards I don't mean only after the chocolate, but after the chocolate, and the ice cream and the salami bread and whatever else) I felt like a looser with a capital L.
It frightens me.
There aren't any triggers to loosing control. I'm not stressed. I'm not angry. I'm not whatever... It just happened out of the blue. I don't like loosing control. And it certainly doesn't feel like God is in control either, which is even more frightening.
I'm doing really good now though. I had quite a few victories the last week, which is so encouraging. With the "binge"-tiger controlling me everything else spirals out of control and down as well... bible reading, praying, patience with naughty children or husband, exercise, being productive....
Maybe it is an area I will have to struggle and fight with for the rest of my life... maybe it is a way how God keeps me humble and dependant on Him... which I'm not very good in doing. But when I was face down in the mud I thought, (and maybe God was saying it to me??) "Hmm, it's not really useful or fulfilling to just lay around here in the mud. Come on get up and give it another go, there will be defeats in the future, BUT there will also be many more victories, because my God is a God of power, and He is the defeater and HE won the victory against the evil one for me already."
So here I am, totting along, wiping the mud of and going on ahead.
And I can't believe I'm saying this, but a friend of mine mentioned she's thinking about signing up to run a 10k race and after lots of thoughts and many "NO, I don't WANT to!!!!" I told her that I'm joining her IF my knees permit it. And somehow... it gives me motivation to go running again and to do other sports, and to be healthy.
So! I shall go to bed now like the good and healthy-living girl that I am... please don't judge me... writing this all down jsut helped me getting it all out of my system.
And by the way, I'm a sucker for big brown eyes too... wouldn't you agree????